Visiting the land of male dom / fem sub
• BDSM
I don't often have time to skim sexuality weblogs other than my familiar favorite few. Yesterday I found myself flipping through a species of sexuality weblog I almost never read: those written by heterosexual male dominants (mostly I read female submissives and ProDommes when I read BDSM themed weblogs). The bias isn't one of disapproval. It is just that while for me slapping a skinny guy or transvestite is fine, punishing a genetic woman is unthinkable (this little boy never recovered from seeing his father knock his mother's teeth out).
Randomness had a very interesting entry on The secret fears & turn-ons (etc.) of a dom. Particularly this:
Somehow putting C off of "kink" without realising it and continuing, thereby "abusing" her.
John's Journey was consistently interesting.
On the Collar Purple there was this comment on male subs:
... they really are the Rodney Dangerfields of the kinko universe. Most of the fiction, pictures and whatnot I've seen are not exactly 'loving dominance' situations in either the straight or gay communities.
I'd recently been struck by how straight female and gay male dominants often come across on the web as if they were trying out for over the top evil Nazi roles. "You will pray for death" (really). With the women I suspect it is marketing. With the gay sadists, I don't know. It surprises me because a fair amount of intelligent early discussion about power exchange and sadomasochism came from gay men.
Oh, and the appeal of the three weblogs cited above was certainly in the clear visibility of loving dominance. Genuinely romantic Doms, not men striving to be cartoon characters.
My big treat of the night was running across a dominatrix site that quoted me. Didn't recognize the name. (Not that I know many but for some reason Pansexual Sodomite has always had a steady Domme readership.)
Comments
Those are all good blogs, and I agree, they show a side of male Dom/fem sub relationships that is so lacking on the net. It’s nice to see a little more thought and insight than just the usual “and then I fucked her” bit.
Regarding straight female Doms, there are unfortunately few blogs that I’ve run across that are not those belonging to ProDommes. I think this really gives a skewed picture of what a day to day lifestyle FemDom relationship is and can be.
Nice blog, btw. A good read.
Posted by: Lady Myles | November 23, 2004 08:34 AM
In my on and off skimming it has seemed like heterosexual female submissive or slave may be the most common sort of D/s weblog. Making me wonder if being on the s side provokes more complicated feelings than on the D. No reason to think, nor for me to know if my sampling had some hidden bias. And admittedly I find my s side far more nuanced than my D side.
The lack of straight male submissive and slave blogs surprised me when it consciously registered. Back when I used to skim the female domination newsgroup it seemed that the women often expressed a regret in being able to find males who could articulate his feelings and needs. Would seem like a winning strategy for a man looking for a dominant partner. Or a Domina requiring it as an expression of appreciation.
Posted by: Richard | November 23, 2004 09:20 AM
Well there are some hetro’ male submissives out there blogging but not writing, perhaps, what you expected.
Posted by: motte | November 23, 2004 10:27 AM
Richard,
Looking at the stats for my blog I found your post in the “referring sites” section. Thank you very much for your kind words - “loving dominance” is exactly what I strive for to my wife in the “kinky” side of our marriage, and I’m glad that that comes across on my blog.
I like your blog BTW (hadn’t read you before, but I’ve bookmarked you for further reading!)
Lady Myles - Thank you for your “Its nice to see a little more thought and insight than just the usual ‘and then I fucked her’ bit” comment. I do try to convey a bit more than that, and I’m glad it shows!
Posted by: B. | November 25, 2004 07:29 PM