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What does the masochist get out of it?

• BDSM

A member of an Arizona BDSM club, Desert Dominion, offers her perspective on masochism:

"This is where you get into the pain/pleasure syndrome" says Dawn. "It's the easiest to misunderstand. People think if you are a masochist, you like pain. I don't like pain. That's not really what the term means and how we use it. A masochist receives pain in given amounts in order to get the endorphins going. That's what they are looking for, the endorphin high. No one will come up and say, 'I want you to hurt me.'"

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Richard Evans Lee
February 10, 2005 •
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Comments

No one will come up and say, ‘I want you to hurt me.’” Well, they would if they wanted to turn the dom on. ;) I can see why someone who was masochistic would say that, especially for publication. You want to put the best foot forward so as to ward off negative political attention, and talking about the endorphin rush is more palatable to non-kinky people than talking about wanting your top to hurt you. And pain is pain, and even the most die-hard submissives and masochists don't look forward to how hard it's going to be to take. But submissives do often want that difficult experience; they do walk up to their tops and say, "I want you to hurt me." They want it because that's what the top wants. The article is good about not focusing on what motivates sadists. What, do I get an endorphin rush from swinging my arm vigorously? No, actually, I like to hurt people. It turns me on. When talking to non-kinky people, it's often useful to elide such things, because they are just are not going to understand. But when talking among ourselves, let's tell the whole truth.

Posted by: Mithras | February 10, 2005 12:07 PM

I like knowing the pain satisfies her: http://www.downonmyknees.com/archives/2005/01/on_of_the_joys.html

Posted by: At Her Feet | February 10, 2005 02:53 PM

I knew it was a too simple remark but look for excuses to add D/s themed entries to the weblog. I've only had a couple of months to explore my own masochism in real life. I like the implications of surrender and degradation in being whipped (or whatever). And I like the pain in itself. Too much so it seems. The woman I sometimes surrender to has found herself exhuasted by my seemingly inexhaustible appetite. Though I imagine she'll eventually work past that. For me the first really strong moment of connection with her dominant side was when she told me that she'd enjoy seeing me suffer. Without that connection there wouldn't be anything really.

Posted by: Richard | February 10, 2005 02:56 PM

Richard, if you are sincere in wanting her to hurt you more, consider buying her one of these. I recommend the shorter model because it's easier to control. If she can't drop you with that, try a 2" x 4".

Posted by: Mithras | February 10, 2005 04:28 PM

Or, if you prefer multiple welts, I wield this: http://www.blackrosefloggers.com/images/IM002876.jpg It has 20 tails that are heavy with oil. Thumpy doesn't begin to explain it. It seems to me that in many ways pain is exculpatory. There is a need to be punished and forgiven and once punished the masochist/sub is ok and allow him/herself to feel good like a nice person again.

Posted by: LadySuede | February 18, 2005 01:45 PM

I'm no good at judging floggers by their looks. Some that I thought would be awful were disappointing. Punishment. While I enjoy the role and fantasy of being 'punished' it actually isn't a part of our relationship.

Posted by: Richard | February 18, 2005 04:18 PM

How do you feel?

Feel free to share your feelings about What does the masochist get out of it?. Please stick to the theme of the entry. Disagreement is fine. Homophobia, racism, and kindred expressions of hatred will be deleted. This site is one of my hobbies. I genuinely enjoy hearing from people and hate moderating or killing comments. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard

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