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Do you give good Oxytocin?

• Sexual Health

"Oxytocin" is the one-word answer from psychosexual therapist Paula Hall, of Relate. It's the "bonding chemical" that is released during sex, and the amount released increases with the quality and quantity of the sex: more orgasms equal more oxytocin and, therefore, more of a sense of closeness, all of which play a big part in that feeling of being in love.

Is it love or oxytocin?

Richard Evans Lee
January 25, 2003 •
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Paula misunderstands the role of oxytocin in sex. Scientists know that it USUALLY peaks around orgasm, although it doesn't in everyone. It's possible that its chief function at orgasm is to cause the contractions associated with orgasm. Period. (For example, oxytocin in the bloodstream similarly causes labor contractions, and milk ejection under other circumstances.) High levels of oxytocin in a specific part of the primitive brain (limbic system), on the other hand, HAVE been linked with bonding behavior. It is believed that these jolts of oxytocin account for parent/child bonding and ALL emotional bonding. We couldn't fall in love without this brain-oxytocin. Oxytocin in the bloodstream does not cross the so-called blood/brain barrier, so a surge at orgasm in the bloodstream, which is what Paula and many others are assuming is the same thing, does not necessarily trip the "bonding" mechanism in the primitive brain. Hence the "one night stand" phenomenon. We can, through selfless nurturing, gratitude, appreciation and so forth, trigger that brain bonding mechanism. We can't necessarily through orgasm, although deep connections are possible between those who love each other (independently of orgasm). Moreover, repeated orgasm not only doesn't increase bonding, it increases the post-orgasmic changes that actually fuel our desire to get away from each other. The surging dopamine that is behind our sexual fever (and behind all addictions...) drops off immediately at orgasm. High levels of dopamine aren't good for us, so our body tries to bring us back to equilibrium very swiftly. Sometimes it does TOO good a job. Just as high levels of dopamine are associated with schzophrenia, sexual addiction and sexual fetishes, LOW levels can show up in our lives as depression and suicidal thoughts. Instead of waiting out the return to equilibrium, as nature intended, most of us just try to jack up our dopamine again with sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. This temporary fix merely sets off more "hangovers" and can fuel other addictions. And this dopamine crash and a subsequent addictive cycle aren't the only cost of too much orgasm-neurochemistry. Prolactin jumps up immediately after orgasm (even more consistently than oxytocin does). And high levels of prolactin are associated with lower libido, depression, fatigue, hostility, anxiety, and lots of other nasty things. Such discomfort pushes us even harder into an addictive quest for more dopamine jolts. So if you want to "give good oxytocin," give. You love your favorite pet or your favorite spiritual teacher because you give and appreciate. That's why you always want to get closer to those you give to or appreciate. We'll have to use these same skills in our intimate relationships to get the many benefits of oxytocin in the brain (reduced cravings, countering depression and stress, calming and balancing our emotions, improving health). In contrast, striving for orgasm is about GETTING. The neurochemistry that accompanies such hunger (high/then low dopamine levels and high prolactin levels) doesn't make us feel like giving. It just leaves us hungrier than ever over the following weeks. It's so easy to see too small a part of the picture with neurochemistry. Our bodies don't work on a linear model, but on a model designed to maintain homeostasis. More oxytocin is a valid target, but more orgasms won't get us there. See http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/m1175/5_33/66380397/p1/article.jhtml and "Peace Between the Sheets: Healing with Sexual Relationships" by Robinson

Posted by: Ed | March 20, 2004 09:12 PM

How do you feel?

Feel free to share your feelings about Do you give good Oxytocin?. Please stick to the theme of the entry. Disagreement is fine. Homophobia, racism, and kindred expressions of hatred will be deleted. This site is one of my hobbies. I genuinely enjoy hearing from people and hate moderating or killing comments. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard

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